Lack of respect, lack of trust, lack of empathy, cruelty.
    This five year relationship brought out the best and worst from two middle-aged people. The good times were breathtaking, the bad times surreal. Both veterans of terrible relationships, the couple was gun shy and cautious, but eventually fell in love. The man was warm, broke his ass helping her care for her home, showered her with gifts, put her on a pedestal. The sex was the best she ever knew. She had never been loved like that and was euphoric. She wanted to make this man the happiest man on earth. Unfortunately this man had a dark side that made its presence known often in the beginning but the woman was in denial. She was being too sensitive, selfish, insecure, and, hey, she wasn't a perfect angel herself. She knew how to bite back (a little). The relationship lingered because the woman forced herself to tolerate his renting rooms in his house to former girlfriends and needy women he met in bars (it was his house, what right did she have to object, and who was she sitting there with her own house asking him to deny giving them a home in his house?) She had to tolerate his chaperoning them, gushing over them, counseling them (he thought he was their savior?), and whatever else, all the while having to walk on eggshells in her own house when he was there and apologize if things weren't set up to his liking. She couldn't question him or ask for reassurance. If she did, more often than not this led to him walking out, often for days, with her leaving phone messages explaining herself, promising to try harder, and reminding him of the magic they had together. Then she had to tolerate his accusing her of "rewriting history" and "twisting" things to suit her agenda. He would eventually cool off and things would go well for a while. One time she was so infuriated she stopped calling and he sent her a phone video of a new bar woman who was by then living in his house. This set off more fireworks but, unbelievably, they got back together and had some more magical times. By now the woman had become almost constantly angry, bitchy, and bitter. The sex life, which the man had placed new demands on, stopped being spontaneous and fun and the foreplay (for the woman anyway) was gone. The man of course resented this and took to sleeping on the couch because it was too painful to sleep with a woman he couldn't have complete access to whenever and wherever he wanted. The woman felt like a whore when he kept helping with her house, only wanting "the gift of herself" or for her to "put out" in return (real warm and spontaneous, right?). She was getting very confused, questioning herself if he was abusing her, or was she abusing him? Why was he always so hurt and angry? She tried to have only good loving thoughts about him, tried not to be bitchy and suspicious and accept everything he said as truth. She tried putting herself in his shoes. In weak moments, though, questions or sarcasm would burst out and out the door he would go. She herself does not understand why she would do these things when she knew the response it would get, only that sometimes it was safe to talk. She had to take her chances. She hoped that someday he would come to understand why she was so hurt and angry and maybe they would be happy again. Finally, he could take no more of her accusations (questions) and broke their engagement. She is sad, angry and hurt. She still loves him but knows he won't change. For all its magic, this relationship has finally met its end. Her words of "finally found each other after all these years" and his "wish I'd met you ten years ago, my life would be so much better", and "you're the best girlfriend I ever had" can finally be laid to rest and ignored for the sappy romantic bullshit it really was.
    I will miss the magic, the sex we had early on, the warmth in your eyes when you are pleased. We showed each other new things about the world and had dreams and ideas.
    I will not miss the constant anger and fear of your reactions. I will not miss you saying that you love me more than I love you because you "do" more for me than I do for you. I SOLD MY SOUL FOR YOU AND THAT COUNTS FOR ABSOLUTELY NOTHING IN YOUR EYES. I THREW MY SELF-RESPECT IN THE GARBAGE FOR YOU, ALL THE WHILE KNOWING IT WAS WRONG AND MEANT NOTHING TO YOU.
    Will We Ever Learn Not To Get Fooled Again?